the sun has got his hat on

     






and he's coming out to play 








  Today the girls were still off school, after keeping me up most of the night with coughing and tummy ache I thought one more day to totally get over it and the way they acted today made me glad I made that choice.


 They haven't been them selves today and a few times I've had to walk out of the room away from their arguing with each other ( as much as they love each other they can fight like cat and dog!!) I'm still feeling like absolute crap but the girls seem to have got over the bug as quick as they got it. It's made me a lot more snappy my hormones aren't helping with the situation plus with the gorgeous sunny days that seem to have graced us with it's presence and I'm not exactly the face of calm and reason that I strive to normally be.......... 

        By the afternoon and we had exhausted the book shelf ,board games , made a den , travelled to Africa in a hot air balloon with turbo powered engine and ran a successful bakery making cupcakes for the queen of Teddington my mind drew a blank they didn't want to chill out ( a siesta would of been lush right about then!!) they were bored and bored with a capital B!!


 Then V piped up about painting eek ..... we have no paints in the house they got demolished in february half term and haven't been replaced and I've no money to buy some more. 


So I do what I do best wack stuff together and see where it takes us I raid the kitchen cupboards .. flour.. food colouring and water?? you've got paint !!! 


How awesome is that now I'm sure there is probably a hundred over blogs that have found this out before me but hell I don't care!! I'm mega impressed with our paint!! I managed to take a few pictures it may look like a lot of mess to some people but it really was awesome fun!! here you are!!! 


   enjoy xxx

this is pablo he didnt manage to avoid the paint splatters unfortunately !! oops !! 

and today we are the icky-snot-ball-lurgy tribe

         Oh dear me we have had a really bad bout of sickness we look like a little Rudolph family :( we've had cold and sickness bug which has really knocked us for 6 i actually spent the day on the sofa and was in bed by 7 on Sunday poor oak had the most rubbish birthday ever! but I've promised him we'll make up for it when everyone is feeling 100% well when I'm not sneezing in a cake mix hey!! we've had the normal reactions from people you need to go doctors you need antibiotics!! your children will have a fit if their temperature stays so high...........oh blahhhhhhhhhhh How awful do some people make you feel! Like I'm purposely going to put my child's life in danger just because of my beliefs in that the human body can heal it self pretty well without the need for antibiotics of course I'm not stupid if the girls fever does get bed we give calpol but they so rarely have it we don't keep it in the house nothing a few days of rest some homemade chicken casserole and lots of fluids and after a week we are 9/10 times feeling awesome!!! I know if we took over the counter remedies we'd be feeling better in a matter of hours or whatever they say but how is the body going to cope next time it's ill? hopefully if this bug ever surfaces again or a similar one does go round we will have bumped up our immune systems enough to fight it! maybe next time I tell someone that we won't be going doctors or using antibiotics I should take a photo it would look like this!! (but obviously human)

I don't think that's an exaggeration either ha ha


I now have red hair!! wahoo!! I don't like it though :( I don't think I'm going to be completely happy till it's long again I just don't feel nice and definitely don't feel sexy which is kind of important when your hoping for the pitter patter of tiny feet!! ( which still haven't arrived :(  )


any way here's me with my red hair excuse the awful red nose !!

 the room isn't empty i promise!! ha ha my big head is hiding the sofas and toys!! :)






I don't now what else to put so I'll leave you all for now xxx

smile that smile and carry on

So it happened again I get a text of a friend saying "I need your help..........." another friend needing me, nothing unusual there it's what we do as friends isn't it? But I knew what was coming I had expected it for a while now.
  " I think I'm pregnant......" my friend says I try not to show that my heart is turning upside down and feeling like it's being stabbed over and over and over again. I smile that smile I do the calm reassuring Bon who knows what to do can get things organised " how many weeks do you think you are? " I go through all the questions you normally would the one question that gets stuck in my throat is " do you want to keep it" it???? it's not an it it's a baby!!! The one thing that month after month I'm hoping I can say to my friends and to Oak... 
    It never happens though every month my period arrives and I feel like a failure as a woman we are doing everything "right" everything they say to do in the books and still no baby. It's got worse recently everywhere I look there are babies everyone seems to be falling pregnant without even wanting to actually have a baby "oh it just happened" kills me even more every time it is said. But it was true to me with S and V two happy little unexpected bundles of joy and poop. Just nearly a year later I'm wondering if it ever will just happen. I've spoke to Oak about how much this hurting (without trying to sound like  a crazy woman!!) and we've come to the conclusion that we will just forget it for a little while...... we have a wedding to plan money to sort out the house to decorate, so lets just enjoy the next year before a little one appears. Easier said than done....... but I've got to give it a go and with s and v growing up every day they are keeping us busy and on our toes!! you never know ( and this is what I'm praying for) that as we will be busy planning and sorting everything else out that the next jelly bean may make an unexpected entrance just like S and V :) 
               Oh and about my friend she's still not gone doctors despite me reminding her, I know she is scared and it isn't the most ideal time for her if she is pregnant, and as an awesome friend I'll be here if she ever needs me and promise not to snatch the baby (joke!!) ha ha so live and let live i have two awesome daughters who light up my world and I'm so grateful to have been blessed with them.


                                            


                                         love Bon xx

note to self....

       So I knew it would happen sooner or later, me and the ex(D.H) have fallen out over money.
Me being the mature level headed person I am (pmt got to love it!) put a quite nasty status on Facebook I'm regretting it now and I knew it was wrong to do but I was so angry and just had to rant I've always been the type of person who says you know what if you don't like it don't read it.........but I went too low today. It still doesn't change how I feel about him and the amount of contact and money he gives the girls.I've tried in the past to ask for more money as maintenance and I always get the same excuses he cant afford it he's got rent and bills to pay his hours are suddenly going to be cut then they never do...........but so have I and I've also got two young children to bring up!!!! 
       He has the girls every other weekend, from a Friday night till Sunday morning some times we swap and change if he's going on holiday ( yes he has two holidays a year!!!) I try and let some things pass me by I cant change him he hasn't changed since we split up so he sure as hell isn't going to change now!! But why should the girls suffer?? 
       Yet again i feel trapped between a rock and a hard place and I'm going round in circles........I want him to grow some balls and stand up to his responsibilities but also I don't want the drama. I struggle to word how I feel properly and end up swearing and calling him all the names under the sun. He gets me so wound up then there is always one person saying the reason your getting so wound up is because you still love him........please do not make me laugh. He turns up every other Friday to pick the girls up wearing his designer clothes and I'm stood there in my clothes which I'm only just squeezing into after a huge weight gain. He still has that way of making me feel like the bit of shit that is on the bottom of his shoe.....so after an afternoon of talks with oak ( no idea how this bloke can be so sensible sometimes!!) crying over nasty private messages sent from D.H friends, the wailing that I can't cope as a mother and they'd be better of financially with D.H I've made a plan.......
it started off with looking over my new years resolutions one of them I wrote....


                                                                is the shit and hassle really worth it......


    OK that may not make sense to anyone else who will read it but it does to me do I need to cause this drama in my life?? I've other people around me who are an amazing support network. I know I have tried my very very best to be a mummy to s and v. When they are older I hope they realise ( and D.H realises too!!) that I did my best he did just enough. 
so with this I'm deleting that status aimed at him and focusing my life in more positive ways I don't need to carry round bad energy that I have created I'm my own worst enemy sometimes and the stubbornness has got to stop. 
     So thank you to everyone who has been there through my mad totally lost it bits (moving to Durham to be with someone i hardly knew kids in tow) to now at the age of 26 i finally feel like an adult some may even call me super mum hahahahaha OK that might be going too far, but in all honesty is the shit really worth it!!!!!!!!?????????????????????????????? not this time any way. 




                                sorry for the rambles 
                                               Bon xxx

a winters evening

pic by me :)

There is something about a winter sky that just gets me, I feel I could stare at the clouds for a lifetime. Constantly changing constantly delighting my eyes with the shapes and pictures, my imagination going wild as the story of the clouds unfolds before me. Like a ballet they dance in the sunlight, every second they change, the colour changes from a steel blue to a pink tinge, the pink slowly devours the blue, piece by piece, inch by inch. The clouds fight back getting bigger and braver. They roar up against the pink and purple but fall down in defeat, minute by minute, second by second. The purple turns darker more rich and velvety as the evening before, then comes the lord of the night. The darkness swallows the clouds and sends out his guards to protect the night, as they twinkle and glisten in the moonlight. The stars watch over his lordships reign for they know the battle will once again gear up in the early hours.
 a random ramble by bon xx

SUNDAY 18^TH DECEMBER………..

S

o today has been a chilled day we’ve all just spent the day lounging about on the sofa watching films had a few chocolates well we demolished a box of maltesers within minutes. A perfect Sunday for me especially as I’m still not feeling 100% after being ill.

The girls have no school tomorrow yippee J which I love, I love having them at home with me. I’ve been called selfish and that if I ever did home school I’d be damaging them they would be uneducated unsocialised beasts of the human race (ok maybe not the part of the beasts of human race but I normally switch off when people show no leeway in their opinions’!!) I’ve been thinking of homeschooling for a while toying it over and over in my head I’ve written endless lists of pro’s and cons. I’ve spoken to people who do home school and people who think school is the right thing to do.

 I’m trying not to get my thoughts on how my school life went affect my thoughts after all my children are different the situation is different, but it stills stays in my head I don’t want them to go through what I went through. The social minefield that is school who has the latest trainers the biggest parties who knows who and who’s daddy plays with who’s daddy at the golf course on a Friday afternoon………..it all kinda bored me I found it idiotic yet at every chance I got a tried to impress people with who I thought I wanted to be.

I don’t want that for my girls I want them to be able to learn in a safe environment, for them to feel that their opinions’ and thoughts are valued that they have a voice they have this at home but who’s to say they will have it in a class of 30 at school?

The girls are currently at the local school 2mins walk round the corner it’s a poor area doesn’t get the best results and I’m just generally not happy with it. Am I mad for thinking that I can teach these two little people everything they need to know about the world?! I’m rubbish at math but I can get by how would I teach science!!??

Then days like today I think I don’t need the little plastic counters to teach my child how to do fractions….. Just ask lettie to give her and summer the same amount of stickers each……. She does it and summer says that’s half mummy, so we get on a conversation about fractions ( they don’t realise it ) we go round the front room seeing what we can put in half the curtains. the DVDs , the room thanks to some very helpful toys J then we go onto 1/3rds and 1/4s half an hour later we are rolling around the floor trying to split ourselves in half………..shit was that a math lesson??!!

Maybe I just need the confidence to actually do it…….and maybe the problem is more me being scared of failing and people saying I told you so.

Or should I keep them in full time school and carry on with the “lessons” at home, I’m going round in circles and I’m sure I am doing most peoples head in by now . I need a sign. Fingers crossed I get one soon.

“While we try to teach children all about life our children teach us what life is all about”

Love craziness and confusion Bon xxx

I'll start with hello............

hello ,
  
           I really don't know where to start and maybe should have planned this a bit better but hey!! I'm here let's roll............


            Suppose I should introduce myself I'm Bon short for Siobhan (it's in there somewhere!!)
I'm an ex super nanny fan suppose you'd call it main stream. I'm 25 nearly 26 and have 2 daughters s and v(no longer with their dad) and I'm going out with a man called Oak. Hopefully getting married February 2013 and this is our story from mainstream to crunchy.


                                                 enjoy bon xxx