So it happened again I get a text of a friend saying "I need your help..........." another friend needing me, nothing unusual there it's what we do as friends isn't it? But I knew what was coming I had expected it for a while now.
" I think I'm pregnant......" my friend says I try not to show that my heart is turning upside down and feeling like it's being stabbed over and over and over again. I smile that smile I do the calm reassuring Bon who knows what to do can get things organised " how many weeks do you think you are? " I go through all the questions you normally would the one question that gets stuck in my throat is " do you want to keep it" it???? it's not an it it's a baby!!! The one thing that month after month I'm hoping I can say to my friends and to Oak...
It never happens though every month my period arrives and I feel like a failure as a woman we are doing everything "right" everything they say to do in the books and still no baby. It's got worse recently everywhere I look there are babies everyone seems to be falling pregnant without even wanting to actually have a baby "oh it just happened" kills me even more every time it is said. But it was true to me with S and V two happy little unexpected bundles of joy and poop. Just nearly a year later I'm wondering if it ever will just happen. I've spoke to Oak about how much this hurting (without trying to sound like a crazy woman!!) and we've come to the conclusion that we will just forget it for a little while...... we have a wedding to plan money to sort out the house to decorate, so lets just enjoy the next year before a little one appears. Easier said than done....... but I've got to give it a go and with s and v growing up every day they are keeping us busy and on our toes!! you never know ( and this is what I'm praying for) that as we will be busy planning and sorting everything else out that the next jelly bean may make an unexpected entrance just like S and V :)
Oh and about my friend she's still not gone doctors despite me reminding her, I know she is scared and it isn't the most ideal time for her if she is pregnant, and as an awesome friend I'll be here if she ever needs me and promise not to snatch the baby (joke!!) ha ha so live and let live i have two awesome daughters who light up my world and I'm so grateful to have been blessed with them.
love Bon xx
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